Time for another
hard-hitting interview session with my own panel of experts ready to grill me
on my work: Curious George, Franklin the turtle, Puppy, and a new guest,
Goldie, the only one of the “pets” who ever meets me at the door when I come
home from work. The rest couldn’t be bothered.
Me: “Thank you, all, for
being here again, and a big welcome to Goldie. I know this may be a little
disorienting for you.”
Goldie: (Wide eyes, wagging tail,
no comment)
Franklin: “Oh, you added a
real intellectual to the group, huh, John? I’m guessing she’s another Allentown
College alum?”
Puppy: “I actually have some
questions for you, John. I’ve been reading along—thanks again for not putting
us back in the garage—and I’m wondering why you couldn’t throw us a bone when you were racing around the grocery store. I mean literally a bone. You couldn’t
get something for us?"
Me: “All of the groceries
were for charity. I didn’t get to take anything home. If the food were mine to
keep, I would have parked my cart in the chips and bacon aisles.”
Puppy: “I saw Froot Loops in
your cart.”
Me: (Wide eyes, no comment)
Franklin: “Speaking of dog
food, remember the time John actually ate dog food? At the Abell's house. He
thought they were fancy peanuts.”
Puppy: “I howled all night
when I heard that. I think the Abells still keep some ‘fancy peanuts’ out for
him in case he gets hungry.”
Me: “I don’t recall that at
all. Not really, nope. But I will say I’m thinking you guys do alright with the
taste of dog food.”
Curious George: “Just
wondering, all this talk about food has me kinda hungry. Can a monkey get a
banana? I see them right over there.”
Puppy: “Good luck with the
old man sharing his food—remember how he’d hoard circus peanuts when he was in
college?”
John: “Now, wait, you can’t
‘remember’ that. You weren’t even in the picture til almost 20 years after that.”
Puppy: “I got ears. Big ones
actually. And people talk.”
Franklin: “You know, we
really should ease up a little on the old-timer. He did turn 48 since we last
talked with him. And Caitlin wasn’t exactly easy on him.”
Curious George: “Even I heard
what she said and my ears are the size of freckles. ‘You’re already past middle
age, Dad. The middle of your life would be 40 if you make it to 80.’
Classic Caitlin! Being me, I’m curious: How’d that feel?”
John: “How would it feel if I
made you Goldie’s chew toy?”
Goldie: (Wide eyes, wagging
tail, no comment)
Puppy: “You want us to focus
on your work? I’ve got a grief: You were a tree? Really? You may have a thick
trunk, but at your height, you’re more like a shrub at best.”
Curious George: “I know
trees. I swing from trees. And you, sir, are no tree.”
Franklin: “If he were a tree,
he’d be a Bald Cypress.”
John (grabbing Franklin and
holding him out to Goldie): “Come here, Goldie. Would you like a new toy? Look,
Goldie, a new toy!”
Goldie: (Wide eyes, wagging
tail, no comment)
Puppy (whispering to Curious
George): “Oh, how I wish I could have been near John when he was a tree. What I
would have done.”
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