Be a Game Show-style Contestant (Day 4)

There are a number of reasons I’m surprised daily that my company still lets me in the office every day. Exhibit No. 341: I send e-mails like this to a co-worker: 

“Do you have any skeletons in your closet? No, I mean actual skeleton costumes? Or other Halloween costumes that we might be able to wear? I thought it'd be fun if we dressed as a famous pair. Batman and Robin? Or the Mario Bros.? Scooby-Doo and Shaggy? Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson?”

Thankfully, David Lee Simmons is rolling with all of it, and then some. His reply:

“Given these choices, and deep emotional childhood scars from video games (really, this couldn't be Asteroids-related?), and my instincts as a long-suffering aide de camp (and a long-winded one): Watson.”

Elementary, Watson.

Next up on the agenda: Let’s go to the tape. Time to review YouTube clips of the old “Supermarket Sweep” TV show to see if I can steal some tips from former contestants.

The most important observation: Do I really want to take tips from people wearing matching 1980s-era sweatshirts and clapping like trained seals? I can look in a mirror for that.

Richard Simmons’ clap-happy crew did reveal some good moves, however. Get the turkey, honey-baked hams and meat first—expensive, heavy items go to the bottom of the cart. Or as the cloying announcer in one video said regarding the contestants’ thoughts, “I’d better beef up my score!”

Actually, those carts look hard to maneuver when they fill up. And Bam! One female contestant named Coleman just ran into the hip of another contestant named Spencer. Can’t blame her; girl’s gotta have her garden hoses!

Splat! Expensive imported cheeses are rainbowing into carts in every episode. I am quite familiar with the cheese aisle. Point for Holmes and Watson.

Other big hits are aluminum pans, hair-coloring products, Polaroid film, and Wham! cassette tapes—okay, I made up that last one. But some of these contestants look exactly like Wham!’s weakest link, Andrew Ridgeley.

And now I’m the weakest link for knowing Andrew Ridgeley.

Back to the videos. They needed a cleanup in one aisle as all three teams converged on the diapers at the same time. The “Anchorman”-wannabe announcer said, “Hey, everybody, keep to the right side of the road.”

If there’s an announcer at our event—perhaps named Spencer—my cart will know what to do.