DanceWalk Down Main Street, Day 7

Though the DanceWalk is in my rearview mirror, a few leftover items are worth noting.

First, as my friend Karen Parmelee observed on Facebook, at the 1 minute and 50-second mark, Gray Handwerk tries to ever so casually pretend she’s not part of the show as the Roachettes re-enact the knife fight from Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” video.

What kind of mother abandons her three kids during a knife fight?

Second, I got an e-mail from YouTube saying the video is banned in Germany because I used Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean.”

I kid you not: the Germans don’t want their people to see me DanceWalking Down Main Street.

They’re probably just jealous because I didn’t use “99 Luftballons.”

Thirdly, I love how YouTube’s suggested “similar” videos (click here to see the right side of my video’s page) include songs by the Rolling Stones and Bob Seger.

I’m going to assume my video is also a suggested video for their songs.

And finally, watching myself dance The Twist—that is what I was doing, not crushing ants—reminded me of my very first on-stage performance. I lip-synced and danced to Chubby Checker’s “The Twist” on-stage and alone during a grade-school anniversary-themed show.

As a white, 110-pound, seventh-grade stick figure, I hardly resembled Chubby Checker.

But I volunteered only because everyone had to be in the show, and there were just 3 boys left—and the other two shared Chubby’s chubbiness.

I knew if they played Chubby, then someone would tease them mercilessly. Probably me.

A fantastic nun named Sister Barbara taught me the moves, and I memorized the words by listening to the single so often my family wanted to twist me.

The night of the show, when I was introduced as Chubby Checker, I slid on-stage on my knees, stood up ready to go…and there was no music. The DJ was having equipment problems.

And for one split second, I almost started singing the song in my best Chubby Checker impersonation.

Of course, I can’t dance. But I sing exponentially worse. I’m in Yoko Ono’s key.

The unsuspecting parents of St. Anastasia’s grade-schoolers don’t know how close their ears came to being assaulted and battered.

They lucked out. All they had to do was watch me wiggle uncomfortably for 2 minutes and 52 seconds.

Hmmm, maybe the Germans are doing the smart thing.